1
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[]

2
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ANNOUNCER:
<i>This is the story of two sisters:</i>

3
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<i>Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell.</i>

4
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<i>Jessica lives in a neighbourhood</i>
<i>known as rich.</i>

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<i>Jessica likes life.</i>

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<i>The only thing about life</i>
<i>she would change, if she could,</i>

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<i>is that she would set it all to music.</i>

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<i>The Tates have more secrets</i>
<i>than they do money.</i>

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<i>We're approaching</i>
<i>Mary Campbell's house.</i>

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<i>Mary, too, likes life.</i>

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<i>Unfortunately, life doesn't seem</i>
<i>to be too crazy about her.</i>

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<i>As you can see, the Campbells</i>
<i>don't have nearly as much money</i> <i>as the Tates.</i>

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<i>They do, however,</i>
<i>have as many secrets.</i>

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<i>Our story begins early one morning</i>
<i>in Dunn's River, Connecticut.</i>

15
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[]

16
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Good morning, Benson.

17
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Isn't it a glorious morning?

18
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Oh, I just love
mornings like this.

19
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Birds sing, flowers grow,
all's right with the...

20
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Benson, what are you cooking?

21
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What does it look like
I'm cooking?

22
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Well, it looks like eggs.

23
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Good, then it's eggs.

24
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Benson, the doctor said no eggs.

25
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Mr. Tate's cholesterol level
is quite high. Eggs could kill him.

26
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Hmm.

27
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Therefore, we don't want
to cook eggs, do we?

28
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We do.

29
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Benson, Benson, Benson.

30
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What am I gonna do with you?
Such a mind of your own.

31
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Well, I suppose just
this morning it won't hurt.

32
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In fact, let's make something
really special for the whole...

33
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Let's make eggs Benedict.

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Eggs Benedict?
You get out of here.

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We'll surprise everyone.

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I'll help.

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Oh, for the dinner party tonight,

38
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I think I'd like for you
to make beef Wellington.

39
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Forget it.
Why?

40
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I don't like it.

41
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But it's very good.
It's Mr. Tate's favourite.

42
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It ain't mine.

43
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I don't like it,
so I ain't making it.

44
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I'm making fish.
Mr. Tate hates fish.

45
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I know.

46
00:02:32,785 --> 00:02:34,777
Well, then why
are you making it?

47
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Because I like fish
more than I like Mr. Tate.

48
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[]

49
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Sweetheart,
we went over this last night.

50
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I cannot spend
the weekend with you.

51
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How could I explain it
to Jessica?

52
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I do want to be with you.
All the time.

53
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Yes, my little sweet potato.

54
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Sweet potato? What?

55
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No, no, sweet-potato futures
are much too risky.

56
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Just stick with your blue chips.

57
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The market will move
quite sharply. Right.

58
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Right.

59
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Goodbye.

60
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Chester, business so early
in the morning?

61
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You work too hard, dear.

62
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Well, somebody has to,
the way this family spends money.

63
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Can't, Jessica.
Carbohydrates.

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Chester, I waited up
for you last night.

65
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I hardly ever get
to see you anymore.

66
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I worked late. Told you.

67
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Till 2:30?
Didn't you hear?

68
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What?
Wasn't it on the news?

69
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No.

70
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What wasn't on the news?

71
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Accident.

72
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Big accident on the expressway.

73
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Oh?
A hog truck overturned.

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A hog truck?
Mm.

75
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Biggest mess I have ever seen.

76
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Traffic didn't move for hours.

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Dead hogs all over the road.

78
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Oh, my. Chester, I, uh...

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I know it's morning and it is...

80
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It is light out and everything,
but I...

81
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I was just thinking, Chester,
maybe we could, uh...

82
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Some other time, Jess.
I'm exhausted.

83
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From lifting all those hogs.

84
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Lifting them?
Well, I had to, Jess.

85
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I couldn't just sit there
in my car

86
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and let some old farmer
move 40 dead hogs

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off the southbound lane
all by himself.

88
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Chester, I mean, I just never
thought about you moving them.

89
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I had to move them, Jess.
If I hadn't moved them, uh...

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The fire trucks couldn't
have gotten through.

91
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Fire trucks?
Right. To put out the fire.

92
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The fire?
Yes.

93
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On the fuel truck that overturned.

94
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Chester, a fuel truck overturned?
Yes.

95
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When the hog truck hit it.
You see,

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the hog truck hit the fuel truck,
which burst into flames.

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And it needed the fire truck,
which couldn't get through until I moved the hogs.

98
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And that's why
I'm so tired, Jessica.

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[]

100
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Where is Corinne?
Hey, Eunice, this is my room.

101
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Your sister stole
my new lavender scarf.

102
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She's not your sister?

103
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She probably stayed out
all night again.

104
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Hey, listen, no aggravation, huh?

105
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Tonight I have my first date.
I also have a pimple.

106
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Now, what I'd like
to know is, why me?

107
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Why not you or anybody else
in this crazy family?

108
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Everyone in this house is,
one way or another,

109
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totally deficient as a human being,
and I get the zit.

110
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Well, maybe it's because
you have the dirty mind.

111
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Eunice, blow it out your ears.

112
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Good morning, major.
Hi, Gramps.

113
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Do you read this filth?

114
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No, Eunice, I look at the pictures.

115
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How can you even bring it
into the house?

116
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Because I like it, Eunice.
I like naked ladies.

117
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I like to look at them.
I like to be near them.

118
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And someday, Eunice,
given the opportunity,

119
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I would like to touch them.

120
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You're sick.
Fine, I'm sick.

121
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Coming from a person
who has never seen herself nude,

122
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I take that with
a grain of salt.

123
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You know, you and Corinne
are both exactly the same.

124
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You're both perverts.

125
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Good morning, Benson.

126
00:06:42,185 --> 00:06:43,938
Here it is.
Ah, Benson, you're terrific.

127
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Ah, it works for everything.
Does it work for pimples?

128
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Well, it's hard to say because
it's not actually for pimples.

129
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You see, we don't get pimples.

130
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God said,
"I won't give them pimples,

131
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I'll just screw up their hair."

132
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Thanks a lot, Benson.

133
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Only one in this family
worth a damn.

134
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[MUTTERING]

135
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[]

136
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Yes, capo, tell godfather not to worry.
I can arrange everything.

137
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[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

138
00:07:34,665 --> 00:07:36,657
[WHISTLING]

139
00:07:37,185 --> 00:07:38,185
Morning.

140
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[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

141
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What are you eating?
Froot Loops.

142
00:07:46,345 --> 00:07:49,258
Listen, Danny, I've been wanting
to have a little talk with you.

143
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Shoot.

144
00:07:50,745 --> 00:07:53,579
Now, I know I'm not your father...
Right.

145
00:07:53,785 --> 00:07:57,301
But I am your stepfather and,
I like to think, your buddy.

146
00:07:57,505 --> 00:07:59,974
All right, all right,
okay, all right.

147
00:08:01,865 --> 00:08:04,061
We haven't been such
great buddies up till now,

148
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but there's no reason
we can't start. Danny, I'm worried.

149
00:08:09,025 --> 00:08:10,254
We all know what you're doing.

150
00:08:10,465 --> 00:08:12,457
It's no secret.
We weren't born yesterday.

151
00:08:12,665 --> 00:08:15,863
I hear those phone calls
in Sicilian. Stop.

152
00:08:16,185 --> 00:08:19,144
Stop before it's too late.
Stop before somebody gets hurt.

153
00:08:20,105 --> 00:08:22,540
Well, I'm sure
plenty of people got hurt already.

154
00:08:22,745 --> 00:08:26,295
Stop before you get blood
on your hands. Real blood.

155
00:08:26,505 --> 00:08:29,816
Or more blood, if you've already
got some. I don't know, Danny...

156
00:08:30,825 --> 00:08:33,215
Danny, leave that
bunch of Italian gangsters.

157
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There is no bunch!
Boy, it gets me mad.

158
00:08:38,905 --> 00:08:41,261
Everyone's always
picking on the Italians.

159
00:08:41,505 --> 00:08:44,816
Anytime they find
a dead guy in Brooklyn, right away it's the Italians.

160
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They find a body in the trunk
of a guy's car, it's the Italians.

161
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Well, I'm sick of it.
I'm sick, sick, sick!

162
00:08:49,625 --> 00:08:52,618
But you're not even Italian.
Don't tell me I'm not Italian!

163
00:08:54,465 --> 00:08:55,615
You're not Italian!

164
00:08:55,825 --> 00:08:56,861
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.

165
00:08:57,065 --> 00:08:59,136
Listen, Burt, if you
don't leave me alone,

166
00:08:59,345 --> 00:09:01,416
you're gonna be in big trouble.
Oh, yeah?

167
00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:04,015
Yeah.
Yeah? What kind of big trouble?

168
00:09:04,705 --> 00:09:06,822
This kind of trouble.

169
00:09:07,065 --> 00:09:10,376
See this?
This is your head.

170
00:09:15,105 --> 00:09:17,336
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.

171
00:09:17,665 --> 00:09:19,497
Watch this.

172
00:09:19,705 --> 00:09:22,664
This is your neck.

173
00:09:26,505 --> 00:09:28,303
Okay.

174
00:09:28,505 --> 00:09:30,303
How about this?

175
00:09:31,425 --> 00:09:33,701
This is your spine.

176
00:09:36,825 --> 00:09:39,499
These are your brains.

177
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And this is your head.

178
00:09:51,985 --> 00:09:54,784
You already did my head,
you jerk.

179
00:09:56,545 --> 00:10:00,255
This is your heart.

180
00:10:03,905 --> 00:10:06,545
You think you're so tough.

181
00:10:07,825 --> 00:10:09,703
How about this?

182
00:10:12,625 --> 00:10:16,414
That was your body.

183
00:10:16,625 --> 00:10:18,059
MARY:
Jodie, breakfast is ready.

184
00:10:18,165 --> 00:10:19,694
Shh. Be quiet, now.
It's your mother.

185
00:10:19,705 --> 00:10:21,264
If she didn't love you...

186
00:10:21,465 --> 00:10:25,095
If she didn't love you so much,
I swear I'd kill you, Burt.

187
00:10:25,305 --> 00:10:27,456
[BURT and DANNY LAUGHING]

188
00:10:27,665 --> 00:10:29,258
Funny, funny story.

189
00:10:29,465 --> 00:10:32,822
Remind me never to serve
you guys breakfast in bed.

190
00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:35,385
Yeah, well, somebody must've
left a window open last night,

191
00:10:35,545 --> 00:10:36,899
and a cat got in.
A cat.

192
00:10:37,105 --> 00:10:38,664
Or maybe a monkey.
A monkey?

193
00:10:38,765 --> 00:10:41,216
Yeah. They can wreck a place.
Ever see their cage at the zoo?

194
00:10:41,225 --> 00:10:43,865
A monkey in Connecticut.

195
00:10:44,065 --> 00:10:46,625
It could happen.
Yeah, sure.

196
00:10:52,905 --> 00:10:55,215
[SINGS "OH, WHAT
A BEAUTIFUL MORNING"]

197
00:10:55,425 --> 00:10:57,496
Hi, big brother.
Hi, little brother.

198
00:10:57,705 --> 00:11:01,016
Why don't you offer him
some Froot Loops? It'd be very appropriate.

199
00:11:04,105 --> 00:11:06,062
Listen, you animal.

200
00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:09,144
I told you before,
my brother is not a fruit.

201
00:11:09,385 --> 00:11:12,662
He's a practical joker,
with a wonderful sense of humour.

202
00:11:14,305 --> 00:11:15,659
[GROANS]

203
00:11:16,665 --> 00:11:19,055
He likes to make people laugh.

204
00:11:19,265 --> 00:11:21,734
Hey, hey, that's enough.
Put your father down.

205
00:11:21,945 --> 00:11:23,015
Stepfather.

206
00:11:23,225 --> 00:11:25,103
Just put him down.

207
00:11:26,025 --> 00:11:28,984
This is like having breakfast
with the Marx brothers.

208
00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:32,705
Now, this morning,
I want some peace and quiet.

209
00:11:32,905 --> 00:11:34,783
Nobody calls anybody a fruit,

210
00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:37,625
an animal, a jerk, anything.

211
00:11:40,905 --> 00:11:43,181
Well, I'm late.
I gotta go change.

212
00:11:43,385 --> 00:11:48,380
So you won't hear
the word "animal" out of me.

213
00:11:58,825 --> 00:12:00,020
[GROANS]

214
00:12:02,825 --> 00:12:07,854
And I've gotta get to work, Mom,
so you won't hear the word "fruit" out of him. Bye. Bye, Burt.

215
00:12:08,065 --> 00:12:09,624
Bye.

216
00:12:10,465 --> 00:12:14,095
Burt, I think it's time
we had a talk.

217
00:12:14,305 --> 00:12:15,739
About what?

218
00:12:15,945 --> 00:12:18,699
Darling, something's
been troubling you.

219
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,101
You just haven't
been yourself lately.

220
00:12:22,425 --> 00:12:25,782
Well, it's the boys.
I don't think we're getting along.

221
00:12:27,145 --> 00:12:29,979
I know you want them to like you,
Burt, but that's not the problem.

222
00:12:29,985 --> 00:12:33,059
I mean, I know it's been rough
on them, what with their father committing suicide,

223
00:12:33,065 --> 00:12:36,103
us getting married, but still I thought
they could replace my own sons.

224
00:12:36,305 --> 00:12:38,615
That's not the problem, Burt.
That's not it.

225
00:12:39,505 --> 00:12:42,942
Are you kidding? Not seeing
my own sons for 15 years.

226
00:12:43,145 --> 00:12:44,545
Do you know how hard that is?

227
00:12:44,745 --> 00:12:46,020
I know, but that's not it.

228
00:12:46,225 --> 00:12:48,740
Fifteen years since she took
my kids and moved to Hawaii

229
00:12:48,945 --> 00:12:51,176
because she decides
I don't have enough class.

230
00:12:51,385 --> 00:12:54,139
She can do better.
So she moves to Hawaii?

231
00:12:54,321 --> 00:12:56,401
That's where she's gonna
find class? Forget about it.

232
00:12:56,425 --> 00:12:58,303
I've got news for you.
You know what she found?

233
00:12:58,505 --> 00:13:02,135
A bunch of short, fat guys wearing
loud shirts, that's what she found.

234
00:13:03,905 --> 00:13:06,374
Burt...
So she moves to Hawaii.

235
00:13:06,905 --> 00:13:09,977
The music alone is enough
to keep you away from that island.

236
00:13:10,505 --> 00:13:13,100
That's not it.
That's not the problem, Burt.

237
00:13:13,305 --> 00:13:15,058
Your ex-wife is not the problem.

238
00:13:15,345 --> 00:13:17,177
What do you mean?
It's not just my wife.

239
00:13:17,385 --> 00:13:19,785
What about your sister and her
family? They're not a problem?

240
00:13:19,945 --> 00:13:23,097
The high and mighty Tates
looking down on me because I work with my hands?

241
00:13:23,425 --> 00:13:25,257
That jerk Chester in his tweeds.

242
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:27,542
A man who'll jump
on anything with a pulse,

243
00:13:27,745 --> 00:13:29,657
and he's got class.

244
00:13:31,345 --> 00:13:33,701
And that's why I'm not going
there for dinner tonight.

245
00:13:33,905 --> 00:13:35,783
You are going there
for dinner tonight, Burt.

246
00:13:36,345 --> 00:13:39,383
Chester and Jessica
are not the problem.

247
00:13:40,825 --> 00:13:43,385
All right, I'll go.
But only because I love you.

248
00:13:45,745 --> 00:13:47,304
I love you, Mary.

249
00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:53,302
And I haven't been able
to make love to you.

250
00:13:53,905 --> 00:13:55,544
That's the problem.

251
00:13:55,745 --> 00:13:57,385
Well, now, I've given you
all the reasons.

252
00:13:57,505 --> 00:13:58,700
Those are not the reasons.

253
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:01,898
Sure, they're the reasons
I lie in bed troubled over all those things.

254
00:14:02,105 --> 00:14:05,223
Burt, all those things have been
going on for a long time.

255
00:14:05,425 --> 00:14:07,576
They're not suddenly
the reasons.

256
00:14:07,785 --> 00:14:08,935
They're not?
They're not.

257
00:14:09,145 --> 00:14:12,104
I was sure they were.
Burt, listen.

258
00:14:12,345 --> 00:14:15,543
When you're ready to talk,
I'll be here.

259
00:14:16,505 --> 00:14:19,896
And I'll understand,
I promise you.

260
00:14:20,105 --> 00:14:21,585
I love you.

261
00:14:22,505 --> 00:14:26,977
So there's nothing in the world
so terrible that I wouldn't understand.

262
00:14:30,945 --> 00:14:33,141
There's nothing
you wouldn't understand.

263
00:14:33,465 --> 00:14:34,785
I could tell you anything

264
00:14:34,985 --> 00:14:39,662
and there's nothing you
wouldn't understand. I love you.

265
00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:41,902
[MUTTERS]

266
00:14:42,905 --> 00:14:45,465
How can I tell you your husband
didn't commit suicide?

267
00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:47,344
That he didn't kill himself?

268
00:14:47,545 --> 00:14:49,741
That he was a criminal
who did terrible things

269
00:14:49,945 --> 00:14:53,382
and I killed him out of love for you.
How in the world can I tell you

270
00:14:53,585 --> 00:14:56,225
I killed your husband
and you'd understand? Pfft!

271
00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:59,062
[]

272
00:15:03,545 --> 00:15:05,502
[]

273
00:15:08,305 --> 00:15:10,183
Where are Billy and Corinne?

274
00:15:10,425 --> 00:15:13,782
I want us all to have
breakfast together this morning like a real family.

275
00:15:13,985 --> 00:15:15,624
Corinne never
comes home, Mother.

276
00:15:15,865 --> 00:15:19,336
I mean, does anyone even know
if Corinne is still living in this house?

277
00:15:19,545 --> 00:15:23,858
Oh, don't be silly, dear.
Of course she's living here. Her mail comes here.

278
00:15:25,185 --> 00:15:27,142
Good morning, Benson.
No, thank you.

279
00:15:27,345 --> 00:15:29,018
Just coffee, Benson.

280
00:15:29,225 --> 00:15:31,296
Dear, it's eggs Benedict.

281
00:15:34,145 --> 00:15:36,660
Jessica, do you know
the cholesterol count of that?

282
00:15:36,865 --> 00:15:39,380
You might just as well
get a gun and put it to my head.

283
00:15:39,585 --> 00:15:41,622
Now you're talking.

284
00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:49,463
Benson, did you put
sugar in this?

285
00:15:49,665 --> 00:15:51,258
Is it sweet?
Very.

286
00:15:51,465 --> 00:15:53,058
Then I guess I did.

287
00:15:53,265 --> 00:15:55,734
Benson, how many times
do I have to tell you

288
00:15:55,945 --> 00:15:58,824
I am a diabetic?
I can't have sugar.

289
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,776
Oh, I keep thinking
it's salt you can't have.

290
00:16:03,345 --> 00:16:07,021
I can't have salt either.
There ain't no salt in there.

291
00:16:09,225 --> 00:16:12,536
Just get me another cup, please.
And this time don't put anything in it.

292
00:16:18,625 --> 00:16:22,096
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
Hi, smiley. Grow up.

293
00:16:22,505 --> 00:16:24,781
Bye, Dad, bye, Mom.
Bye, bubbles.

294
00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:27,500
JESSICA: Billy, breakfast.
I can't, Mom. I'm late for school.

295
00:16:27,705 --> 00:16:29,901
Anyway the major's
still in the shower. If I leave now

296
00:16:30,105 --> 00:16:31,858
I won't get caught
in the crossfire.

297
00:16:36,025 --> 00:16:37,095
Benson.

298
00:16:40,345 --> 00:16:42,905
Is this some kind of
black humour?

299
00:16:45,465 --> 00:16:46,945
This cup is empty.

300
00:16:47,145 --> 00:16:49,580
You said,
"Don't put anything in it."

301
00:16:50,065 --> 00:16:51,977
Just give me coffee, please.

302
00:17:02,025 --> 00:17:04,938
Do you realise that Benson
has not said one word to me

303
00:17:05,145 --> 00:17:06,818
in 12 years?

304
00:17:09,465 --> 00:17:13,175
Well, dear, it's just that
you have such different interests.

305
00:17:14,385 --> 00:17:15,535
[GUNFIRE IN DISTANCE]

306
00:17:17,225 --> 00:17:20,582
Dad's shooting
at Mr. Kirby again.

307
00:17:22,065 --> 00:17:25,376
Really, Daddy, you ought
to put that old man away. He is crazy.

308
00:17:26,025 --> 00:17:28,859
Eunice, your grandfather
suffered a severe shock in the war

309
00:17:29,065 --> 00:17:31,022
but he's not crazy.
Here we go, Dad.

310
00:17:31,225 --> 00:17:32,898
At ease, men.

311
00:17:35,065 --> 00:17:37,580
Everyone,
say good morning to the major.

312
00:17:37,825 --> 00:17:39,426
Good morning, major.
Good morning, major.

313
00:17:40,465 --> 00:17:45,176
After breakfast, boy,
maybe you'll sing a little song for me.

314
00:17:53,825 --> 00:17:56,499
Uh, Daddy.
Daddy?

315
00:17:56,705 --> 00:17:58,697
Dear, we don't
call them "boy."

316
00:17:59,225 --> 00:18:01,535
What do you call them?
"Boogies"?

317
00:18:03,385 --> 00:18:05,854
No, Daddy.
His name is Benson.

318
00:18:06,065 --> 00:18:09,775
If my gun hadn't jammed,
I'd have got him this time.

319
00:18:10,905 --> 00:18:12,658
Damn German patrol parties.

320
00:18:12,865 --> 00:18:16,063
No, it isn't the patrol party, Dad,
it's our neighbour, it's Mr. Kirby.

321
00:18:16,265 --> 00:18:18,939
You expect me to believe
our neighbour is a Nazi?

322
00:18:19,145 --> 00:18:22,855
Of course he's not a Nazi,
he just drives a Mercedes.

323
00:18:24,065 --> 00:18:26,864
Colonel, who is this woman?

324
00:18:27,985 --> 00:18:30,739
What I'd like to know is,
where does he get the bullets?

325
00:18:34,825 --> 00:18:36,657
Baby, it's time to go.
Yes, Daddy.

326
00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:38,015
JESSICA:
Goodbye, darling.

327
00:18:38,345 --> 00:18:40,860
Chester, please try
to come home early tonight for dinner,

328
00:18:41,065 --> 00:18:42,943
Mary and Burt
and the boys are coming.

329
00:18:43,145 --> 00:18:44,625
Why are they coming?

330
00:18:44,825 --> 00:18:46,782
That's what I say.
Why are they coming?

331
00:18:46,985 --> 00:18:49,659
This family is
bad enough, they're worse.

332
00:18:50,425 --> 00:18:52,257
Shut up, Benson!

333
00:18:54,265 --> 00:18:56,939
Hey, boy.
Sing a little song for me.

334
00:18:58,585 --> 00:18:59,780
Come on, boy.

335
00:18:59,985 --> 00:19:01,942
[SINGING
"MY OLD KENTUCKY HOME"]

336
00:19:05,025 --> 00:19:07,540
Daddy.
I know.

337
00:19:08,585 --> 00:19:11,100
Nobody ate any eggs.
Oh.

338
00:19:11,505 --> 00:19:15,704
Benson, perhaps on
your day off, you'd like to take them home.

339
00:19:18,465 --> 00:19:21,185
Oh, I'd sure like that, Miss Tate.

340
00:19:21,385 --> 00:19:26,380
We just loves 3-day-old eggs
Benedict down in the ghetto.

341
00:19:27,025 --> 00:19:31,099
The little children
can use them for hockey pucks.

342
00:19:34,785 --> 00:19:36,504
Hi, Ma.
JESSICA: Hello, Corinne.

343
00:19:36,705 --> 00:19:37,855
Hi, Major.

344
00:19:38,065 --> 00:19:39,977
Is it true you didn't
come home last night?

345
00:19:40,185 --> 00:19:41,744
Your sister said
you didn't come home.

346
00:19:41,945 --> 00:19:43,857
Ah. It's true, Ma. It's true.

347
00:19:44,065 --> 00:19:46,534
Well, who were you out with?
You don't know him.

348
00:19:46,745 --> 00:19:48,418
Neither do you.

349
00:19:49,465 --> 00:19:53,015
Uh, I couldn't help it, Ma.
You see, there was this, uh...

350
00:19:53,425 --> 00:19:56,224
Accident.
Another accident?

351
00:19:56,425 --> 00:19:57,575
Yeah, uh...

352
00:19:57,785 --> 00:20:00,664
Turkey truck overturned
and there were these turkeys

353
00:20:00,865 --> 00:20:03,096
all over the road.

354
00:20:03,305 --> 00:20:05,456
Turkeys and hogs,
all in one night.

355
00:20:05,945 --> 00:20:08,380
No hogs, Ma, just turkeys.

356
00:20:08,585 --> 00:20:10,463
No, your father's was hogs.

357
00:20:10,665 --> 00:20:12,258
Hogs and turkeys, my, my!

358
00:20:12,465 --> 00:20:14,422
[LAUGHING]

359
00:20:14,625 --> 00:20:17,936
Must have been a
terrible night for the farmers.

360
00:20:18,545 --> 00:20:21,060
Well, I'm gonna
get some sleep. I'm wiped out.

361
00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:23,576
Well, I guess I'll go
for my tennis lesson.

362
00:20:24,545 --> 00:20:25,945
Bye.

363
00:20:32,305 --> 00:20:34,262
[WHISTLES]

364
00:20:35,265 --> 00:20:37,222
Boom!

365
00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:45,742
[]

366
00:20:57,545 --> 00:20:59,184
Oh, my God, oh, my God.

367
00:20:59,385 --> 00:21:03,299
How could I do this to Chester?
Sweet, wonderful Chester

368
00:21:03,505 --> 00:21:06,304
who thinks I'm here
improving my backhand.

369
00:21:08,025 --> 00:21:10,984
What time is it?
Oh, uh, almost noon.

370
00:21:11,185 --> 00:21:12,858
I'm afraid I have to go soon.

371
00:21:13,065 --> 00:21:15,785
I have to meet my sister for lunch.
All right.

372
00:21:15,985 --> 00:21:19,023
Oh, Chester,
sweet, wonderful Chester.

373
00:21:19,225 --> 00:21:20,978
Who's Chester?
My husband.

374
00:21:21,185 --> 00:21:23,177
It would kill him
if he knew about this.

375
00:21:23,545 --> 00:21:25,855
So don't tell him.
He'll know.

376
00:21:26,065 --> 00:21:29,581
I mean, he will take
one look at my face and he'll know.

377
00:21:30,185 --> 00:21:32,780
Does my face
look any different to you?

378
00:21:32,985 --> 00:21:34,863
No.
Good.

379
00:21:35,985 --> 00:21:37,180
Come on.

380
00:21:37,385 --> 00:21:40,776
Good old Chester's probably
boffed a secretary or two in his day.

381
00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:42,461
"Boffed"?

382
00:21:42,705 --> 00:21:44,378
Yeah, Chester's a guy.

383
00:21:44,585 --> 00:21:45,905
What is "boffed"?

384
00:21:46,745 --> 00:21:50,102
It's wha... It's what
we just did, sweetheart.

385
00:21:50,305 --> 00:21:53,104
Oh, I... I didn't know
you called it that.

386
00:21:53,305 --> 00:21:54,785
To "boff."

387
00:21:54,985 --> 00:21:57,784
That sounds like a name
you'd give a puppy.

388
00:21:58,905 --> 00:22:00,942
Here, Boff.
Here, Boff.

389
00:22:01,585 --> 00:22:04,657
I mean, I just never
heard that before, you know.

390
00:22:04,865 --> 00:22:06,458
I bet Chester hasn't either.

391
00:22:06,665 --> 00:22:10,375
You know, when Chester says to me,
"Jessica, what did you do today?"

392
00:22:10,585 --> 00:22:12,497
I bet I could say to him,
"Oh, I boffed,"

393
00:22:12,705 --> 00:22:15,095
and he wouldn't even know
what I was talking about, heh.

394
00:22:15,305 --> 00:22:16,455
Uh, don't try it.

395
00:22:16,945 --> 00:22:21,224
You probably do this, uh,
all the time

396
00:22:21,425 --> 00:22:24,543
but I've never done this before.
What?

397
00:22:24,745 --> 00:22:27,260
Well, I mean of course,
being married I have done this.

398
00:22:27,465 --> 00:22:29,661
But I mean,
it's always been with Chester.

399
00:22:29,865 --> 00:22:32,983
See, I always thought it would be
more or less the same.

400
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:34,938
But it is different with you.

401
00:22:35,145 --> 00:22:37,614
Well, I mean, basically
it's the same activity.

402
00:22:37,625 --> 00:22:40,938
Look, babe, I've got another
lesson and you've got to go meet your friend for lunch.

403
00:22:40,945 --> 00:22:42,345
My sister.
Your sister, right.

404
00:22:42,545 --> 00:22:43,545
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

405
00:22:43,645 --> 00:22:45,344
Hey, not that door.
That's my 12:30 lesson.

406
00:22:45,345 --> 00:22:47,701
The back door.
For your protection, you know.

407
00:22:47,905 --> 00:22:49,339
Chester.
Chester.

408
00:22:49,545 --> 00:22:50,615
Bye.
Bye.

409
00:22:50,825 --> 00:22:51,825
[KNOCKING CONTINUES]

410
00:22:51,985 --> 00:22:53,942
[KNOCKING ON BACK DOOR]

411
00:22:55,625 --> 00:22:57,662
[WHISPERING] What?
Uh, thank you.

412
00:22:57,865 --> 00:22:59,857
Don't mention it.

413
00:23:05,905 --> 00:23:07,339
PETER:
Corinne, hi.

414
00:23:07,545 --> 00:23:08,695
Hi.

415
00:23:08,945 --> 00:23:10,902
[]

416
00:23:14,025 --> 00:23:15,982
[]

417
00:23:16,185 --> 00:23:19,576
ANNOUNCER:
<i>Will Jessica find out</i> <i>about Corinne and Peter?</i>

418
00:23:20,625 --> 00:23:23,857
<i>Will Corinne find out</i>
<i>about Jessica and Peter?</i>

419
00:23:25,505 --> 00:23:28,623
<i>Will Burt tell Mary</i>
<i>he killed her first husband?</i>

420
00:23:29,945 --> 00:23:33,825
<i>Will Billy's zit disappear</i>
<i>before his first date?</i>

421
00:23:34,225 --> 00:23:36,057
<i>Will Benson make fish?</i>

422
00:23:36,585 --> 00:23:38,338
<i>These questions and many others</i>

423
00:23:38,545 --> 00:23:40,855
<i>will be answered</i>
<i>on the next episode of:</i>

424
00:23:41,065 --> 00:23:42,624
Soap.

425
00:23:48,745 --> 00:23:50,702
[]

426
00:23:50,752 --> 00:23:55,302
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0


